Although I was planning on it, no beach this weekend.   Instead, in addition to some friend time yesterday enjoying a New England autumn,  it was a good weekend indoors.  Now that the days are getting darker, I finally took care of the lighting situation in the studio and replaced the overhead with daylight bulbs.  

On Saturday, another painter from my art crit group headed to Horseneck beach to paint on location.  I haven't painted outdoors since 1996.  That is, other than a day or two last fall in Provincetown.  But that doesn't really count because I was painting from the deck of where I was staying.

I love painting outdoors but had stopped because I tend to get freaked out and nervous when people watch or ask questions.  I freeze and it becomes difficult to paint.  I wish I could be at ease when I work outdoors.  I fully understand the curiosity and would love to encourage conversation and questions.  But it's tough for me to do while I'm painting.

Here are a couple shots of Horseneck beach.

Yesterday I was super-excited to paint. I hadn't felt that in months and instead have been pushing myself into the studio. Although I've had happy moments while painting, I haven't felt that exuberant drive since last February and was silently worrying about whether I really was a painter.

I know that the timing lined up with needing to get serious about finding work, and then moving to a new apartment.  I know that stress can affect my drive to paint.  But, I also do believe, as a Mentor once told me...it's been winter in my garden. Everything is cyclical.

Also, I think my time at the ocean on Sunday helped.   It's an important part of my self-care.

Yesterday after work, I walked home and didn't even stop to grab food but went right into the studio.   It felt SO good.

Photo from Sunday at the beach.

bI've been searching for a good beach so I can go for very long walks.  Last weekend I hit Narragansett and it was nice, but wasn't quite what I was looking for.   Over the summer, I've hit various beaches and realized that for playing in the water, Scarborough was my favorite.

One beach I'd yet to step on, although would hit the beach next to it, was Horseneck Beach.   Yesterday I finally checked it out.  It's exactly what I've been seeking for out of season beach going.  

It's a vast beach so I can easily do a 2 hour walk.   There are lots of waves so it feels like the wild New England ocean, not the bay.  It has dunes.   There are tidal marshes before the beach (which brought tears to my eyes when I saw them).  And it's only a 1/2 hour from home.   When I used to live on the NH coast, I used to drive to Ogunquit on Sunday afternoons to walk the massive beach.  And since I've returned to New England, I've really been missing that experience.   So I'm thrilled that I found the perfect beach. 

It's been like a Goldilocks experience.

I can't believe so much time has passed since my last entry.  Not only have I been busy, but quite consumed.   Job hunting is rough in this economy...and I've noticed it's been sapping my emotional strength.  So much so, that I have to force myself into the studio each week.

I began a new painting this weekend and here is a first capture.  Still in progress.  From "Beach" series.  acrylic on canvas.  22"x28"

When life gets challenging, recalibration is needed.  During these times, the littlest things accomplished feel like huge achievements.  And they are.   After finally knocking off some of my "to do" list that I've been hesitant to complete, the very cool, cloudy weather gave me a yearning for spaghetti.  Making red sauce and sitting down to a hearty pasta dish with a glass of red is a perfect way to end the day.  

Featuring another painting for sale from my private collection.  This one is from the Beach series, oil on canvas, 28"x22", 2012

You can see all seven works at this link.

I went to Waterfire again on Saturday evening.   Although I loathe crowds and tend to keep away from most events where I have to push through the hordes, there's something about being near water, the fires, the air filled with the smell of burning wood, and surrounded by lots of happiness.  

With the increase of bad manners, massive snark, and downright nastiness that flood our social media outlets, I've been consciously seeking out arenas that hold joy.  And Waterfire has become one of those for me.

This time I was there fairly early and caught some of the performances at the park next to the canal.  That is where I took this photo.

Limited time only - sale from artist's personal collection!

Since I've moved, I've solidified the selection of paintings that would remain as part of my personal holding.  With plans never to sell, I've enjoyed seeing them every day.  Due to circumstances and the need to let go and create more space in my life, for a limited time, I am offering seven paintings for sale.  

See the work at gagnonart.blogspot.com/2013_08_01_archive.html#622200206000170180.

Contact me at gagnon60(at)gmail(dot)com with any questions or comments.  I take PayPal as well as checks and cash.  Please feel free to share the link with your friends and network.

Here is one of the paintings that I've never before shown.

Him and Me.

22"x28", oil on canvas.  2009

$600 +s/h

Thank you so much.

Tuesday evening I returned to AS220 for their open life drawing session.   It's become one of my fave Providence things to do.   A sample of what I worked on that night.

A new workspace. 

There's nothing like looking at the trees and feeling the breeze if I have to work on my computer.  My friend Matt gave me his little table last year and it normally sits in the kitchen. Being on wheels, for the last few weeks I've been rolling it into the studio for the times I need to do computer work.

Status report:

I'm still looking for a job.  I had two amazing interviews for two really great jobs and they were both supposed to contact me early this week with their decision.

This morning I found out I didn't get one of them.  This afternoon I didn't get the other.   And…this reality of living week to week is getting tiresome but clearly there is a life lesson contained within all this unknowningness.  It's about holding onto faith and reminding myself that my past does not define my future or my present.  

I've been pushing myself to paint every day in spite of the periodic anxiety that sets in regarding how I'm going to pay my bills.

Saturday I'm playing host for a surprise birthday party for two other artists.  Others are assisting with food and drink but they needed a place and I'm thrilled they asked.   It's my first big get together in my new home.  

I've been too tweaked out about the job sitch to focus on the two paintings of boys that I'm working on and so instead began working a beach painting. Here is the second painting of two boys.  They are my nephews, based on a photo from over 20 years ago.  Painting is 22" x 28", oil on canvas.

The beach painting has become a metaphor for my current state.  In painting the journey to the ocean I discovered I was lost.  Each day I'd return to the studio and would make less of a mess than the day before but still felt like I was painting in the dark.  It really feels like my life right now.  Painting still in progress, 30" x 40", oil on canvas.

This week I watched while the house next door was getting a new roof.

There are two days left to take advantage of sale prices on my Beach paintings!  Sale runs thru Saturday August 10.

I accept paypal as well as cash/checks.

This paintings is 12"x24", oil on canvas and is $250 + s/h.

You can see the remaining paintings at www.mariegagnon.com/for_sale.html

In addition to being at the ocean, one of my other happy places is attending open life drawing sessions. I make it a point of hitting the Spring St. studio when I'm in NYC but tonight I attended my first one in Providence at AS220.  Nicole, from my studio crit group joined me.  

It was awesome. Wonderful crowd. Excellent model and good space. It's work and yet drawing the figure from life brings me much joy and peace. Especially when it's not attached to a painting and I can just move my hand while seeing...with no expectations other than to be in the moment. Happy. Happy. Happy.

As well as being in a room full of others creating, what I also love about open life drawing sessions is that it is easier to give myself the freedom to just be...and not worry about creating a finished piece.  Tossing out the idea of perfection.  I attempt to do that in my studio, but it's more of a struggle.  With life drawing events, it's not something I even worry about.   I love the 30 sec, 1 min, 2 min poses.  But even when it's longer poses, 5, 10, 30 min...I just redraw over and over, attempting to keep it quick and loose.  Here is a some from last night.   For the last few years, I've also been intentionally using pen because you can't erase.  What you see is what you get.    And, at AS220, the gallery (where the drawing takes place) is next to their bar and restaurant. You can even bring the food & drink into the drawing session.  During a model break I was able to purchase a pear cider to bring back to my work table.  Kinda nice! 

This entry began with the intent of talking about my pretty fab leftovers from last night, which I purchased there, just before drawing.  Wild rice, tofu, slivered almonds, kale and lots of garlic all sauteed together.  It was cheap and there was enough to take home and have 2 extra meals.  So simple and quite good.  And now for dessert, I have a fresh mango that I cut up and is waiting for me.

My apartment gets great cross ventilation.  I love summer breezes.

10 days left to take advantage of sale prices on my beach paintings.  Sale good until August 10.

Go to: www.mariegagnon.com/for_sale.html for paintings and prices.

My friend Matt spend Saturday evening with me on...stopping on his way to the Cape.  After a wonderful sushi dinner, we went to Waterfire.  There was a full burn scheduled that evening and it was his first experience.  

The vibe at Waterfire is pretty great.  When you stop...and sit, really engaging with the burn (ignoring the crowds), it's magical and centering.

Here are a few photos from the evening.

I'm holding a special ONLINE sale of some recent paintings. These are from the "Beach" paintings, the first series since I returned to the east coast. It is a month long sale beginning July 9 and ends August 10. In addition to checks and cash, I've set up a PayPal account to facilitate credit card purchases. The available paintings are on my website at: http://www.mariegagnon.com/for_sale.html After 14 years in Seattle my return to New England has affirmed that its coastline is my home. Reintroducing myself to the dunes on the Cape and Martha’s Vineyard I knew this landscape would become my first east coast series. The series first began as a love letter to this magical landscape and an exercise in light, space and color. It still is, but over the last few months I’ve watched the substance behind the paintings take hold. In painting the dune path I am painting the artist’s journey. We know the ocean is over the crest yet it remains hidden as we climb the hot sands. It is a landscape with an ever changing personality: its calm and dramatic nature. A character of extremes, it can feel isolating and yet that space is full of emotion, of ideas, and of color. (series still in progress) Email me at gagnon60@gmail.com if interested.

in progress

How to paint in really hot weather? I normally don't. My body doesn't work well with major heat. But after a week and a half of not painting, I couldn't not work. Mornings are fairly comfortable. I place the fans on the west side (living room and painting studio) to bring in the cooler air and so was able to paint for a while yesterday morning before the room became unbearably warm. Still taking it slow and thoughtfully with this painting.  I first began this painting last fall and hadn't touched it until a few weeks ago.

I haven't worked in this fashion in over 15 years, having instead just painted fast, furious and emotionally. Now, I'm trying to balance the emotion with thinking through the painting. This morning was spent warming up the painting after the cooler and greener undertones and also working on smaller sections. I will need to go in and redraw but will wait for better weather when my head is clearer. Also, I am totally falling in love with this painting.  

"Her Boys" (still in progress) 24 x 24 in., oil on canvas

It's been a while since I've posted.  Have been busy with work (my temp job) and looking for a permanent gig, quickie trip to my parents, and still working on my new place.  

I turned down an opportunity to spend the weekend on Martha's Vineyard because I really needed to stay put, rest, catch up on some work and attempt to get back into a routine with my painting.  Although I love having my studio in my home again, I've discovered that it is a challenge to paint out of my home after 5 years of having a separate studio space with essentially no distractions.  It requires a discipline and so I'm working on it.

So I've had a good weekend and staying here has been the perfect decision but it doesn't mean that I'm not longing for some great beach time.  I'm totally overdue.  I may hit the beach after work one day.  We'll see.

In honor of Pride month, here are a couple photos photo taken this past week.  It was a sunny, beautiful day and then within 20 minutes, the sky turned dark, it poured, it stopped and then…a gorgeous double rainbow.

Friday late dinner:  Chardonnay and Cheerios.  Not in the same bowl.

A perfect summer's eve…where I walked to friends' home and shared one of my favorite films, John Cameron Mitchell's brilliant "Shortbus", with them.  It was a wonderful evening of companionship, conversation and cinema.  

Photo taken from their living room.

Busy weekend that began on Friday night with five other artists at the Tipsy Seagull in Fall River, a pub bar on a floating dock.  You can even moor your boat right up to the dock.   For a hot summer day, it was a perfect evening with cool breezes, a wonderful sunset, lively company and good drinks.

Saturday was a day with my sis and her hubby.  They drove down to help me with the apartment.  I needed to get a 4 ft x 6 ft piece of 3/4" plywood to place between the mattress and boxspring and they lent a hand and a car.  In addition they assisted with putting up curtains and doing other few things.  We then spent a wonderful day exploring Providence.

Sunday was an outdoor party at my former roommates.  It was a lovely afternoon where I met another person who had also just moved from Seattle a year ago.  The photo was taken at that party.

Trying to get back into my routine of hitting the gym in the morning before work and then coming home and painting in my new studio.  Settling in takes time and it's happening slowly.

I finished setting up the studio today...as much as I could.  I'm on the lookout for another cheap bookcase to store supplies.  But, have to get to work.  There is something wonderful about making a salad in the kitchen, pouring a glass of wine and then walking a few steps into the studio to begin painting.  Not having worked in 2 months, due to the move, I am nervous.  It will be groovy once I settle in, but the anxiousness is part of my process. Taking it slowly with black, white and ochre acrylics.  As you can see, I'm so in love with the light.

I committed my weekend to sorting out the new studio space in my home.  It's been a challenge, but coming along and very much worth it.

Last night I had a wonderful break by meeting Mark for dinner.  We headed to the Grange.  My second trip, his first…and it was amazing.  Everything we ate was phenomenal.   What I really like about the food is that it doesn't pretend to be something else.  I love vegetarian & vegan dishes but am not a fan of vegetarian restaurants that try to seduce meat lovers by offering plates replicating meat dishes.

Instead, there is a mindfulness for the quality of each ingredient and how it is mated with others, highlighting the best of each.  Like great sex.

Afterward, M needed to return to his commitments and I chose to attend Waterfire, the first of the season.  I never made it last year and so was thrilled I had the opportunity.  It was a pretty fabulous evening, strolling the canal, looking at all the burns while music filled the air.  

And today, after two days of working...the studio is getting there! All the boxes on the left are art supplies and that's tomorrow's project. The bookcase now holds the art books of my fave painters on the bottom two shelves. Then the others are a shelf of written journals (which I still do because it is more personal than typing) and a shelf of sketchbooks. It feels good to have those accessible...referencing for future work. This photo was taken about 4:30 pm. Still nice light.

Since I've moved, my studio has been the holding tank for boxes and stuff as I'm slowly unpacking.  Part of this weekend's festivities is to finish turning this room into my painting space.  The bulk of my canvases is already stored in my living room closet and I've been tackling the boxes of books.  I'm very much looking forward to painting again.

Summer has arrived in Providence and all I can think about are the many beach trips in my near future.

it's been 19 months since i first began packing to move east. it started with packing my studio in the 619 and placing art stuff in storage.  the next 5 months consisted of prepping to leave a job of 12 years and packing my apartment.  since arriving in providence, i've been renting a room for the last year.

on friday, friends kindly came by to help me move furniture around and get a sense of where things should be.  i was too tired to think clearly.  now I can unpack my books, put up blinds, curtains and paintings and finally see the light that beckons home.

i had no idea how exhausted the last almost two years have made me until yesterday when i came down with a nasty cold and am essentially out flat. but…the bulk of the apartment will be done in the next few weeks.

friday night. 

five friends. 

fondue. 

fire.

perfect.

Still have things to do in the kitchen and the living room and the bedroom and the bathroom...but it will take time.  In a holding pattern.  So now I'm finally beginning to clear out the studio and make room for painting.

Before moving from west to east last year I got rid of a ton of extra clothes I no longer wore.   About an hour ago I finished going thru all my clothes.  Everything is sorted by season, unpacked, folded or hung up.   And now there is a large trash bag that will be full once I put the remaining clothes in it.   

This my friends comes from menopause.  After fluctuating very little for about 25 years, in 12 months my middle became thicker and stuff stopped fitting.   For me, it's the most frustrating part of this season of my life.

Yesterday and today I sat on my new front stoop enjoying the sunshine, the warmth, the smell of blossoming spring and the view.   This is what I see from my front steps.

Today I realized how tired I really am.   It's been a long two years, with having to leave the 619 Arts building in Seattle and then in a holding pattern for 6 months until I moved to Providence.

In Providence, although I've been working and painting and slowly getting to connect with folks and learn the area and staying in a wonderful place…it wasn't my home.   Renting a room is not the same, especially at 53 years old.

Today it hit me that I can't believe I'm setting up my house. 

I wonder what the future has in store.  

In unpacking I am going through boxes that I packed in February 2012 and haven't opened until now.

I am intentionally unpacking slowly because I want to get to know the space...feel its character.  In a way it's a meditation on this new relationship with another home, a mindfulness.  Here is a little study in white I created in my kitchen. 

It's been a crazy few weeks.  The day before my flight to Seattle I was in the studio completing all the packing.  The day before that was spent painting the kitchen and the living room in the new apartment.   Then a whirlwind few days in the Emerald City which was filled with love, joy and phenomenal music.  

Took a redeye from Seattle to Providence on Monday night.  I was in Providence by 9:30 Tuesday morning and crashed all day.  Up at 5 am Wednesday morning to take apart my bed and had to meet the movers at the studio at 8 am.    

Hiring movers was money well spent.  They had me all moved in by 11 am and then I could turn to the task of setting up my home.   

This is the living room in my new apartment which I will convert into my new studio space.   I will then take the largest of the 2 bedrooms for a living room.  Minus the bay window space, the new studio is 14 x 14 square.  The windows face west and there is a large tree in front so it will remain cool in the summer.  

And here is the studio on Wednesday after the movers left.

Wednesday night was the first night in my new apartment. Before going to sleep, I made sure the coffee and coffee maker were readily available for morning. Upon waking, I stumbled into the kitchen and a soft "ahhh" filled the room. The kitchen windows face east which makes for beautiful morning light. 

In Seattle for a few days to show my sister around and listen to my niece perform at the Triple Door tomorrow night as she begins her west coast tour.

Oh Seattle how I've missed you.  I love my east coast but you will always be a part of my heart.

This morning a friend wisely wrote about how the desire for vengeance seems to be silencing the call for compassion.  

I agree and replied to his post with "I very much believe that people aren't born wanting to commit heinous acts. Those who do are also victims because something broke inside them...physiologically, emotionally, spiritually. The whole mess is phenomenally heartwrenching."  

Vengeance begets vengeance.  It's a vicious cycle. 

On another note, today I begin packing the studio.  My fridge and two very large canvases were taken away this week.  Two drawing tables are leaving this weekend.  I'm trying to simplify not only because of space but in an attempt to assist with greater focus when I return to painting.    Photo is a detail of a painting on one of the canvases that was carted away.

Wow.  It's been an incredibly busy week.  

Photo from last Sunday's studio crit group.  Before indulging in art, we indulged in a chocolate tasting...Paris, Madagascar, Ecuador and Mexico.  I brought the two cheeses, a lovely Drunken Goat, and a Hard cider English cheddar.

Last night I put down a deposit on a lovely, character-filled 2 b/r apartment just off Broadway, near Julian's.   I'll find out Monday if I get the place.  And if I don't, I know there's something better waiting for me.

Afterward, Serena, Daved and I walked over to The Grange - a lounge, vegetarian restaurant and coffee house.  It's only been open for a week.  The atmosphere and decor is wonderful.  The drinks, fantastic.   And, they serve Stumptown Coffee, created in Portland OR.

Much on my mind.   How sane is it to be looking for an apt, a studio and a job at the same time? 

Feels like a year ago when I moved. I need to lessen my expenses and so am thinking of letting go of my studio. Also, although my room has been a perfect landing spot, I miss having my own apt. I want to pull my things out of boxes. Today I saw a wonderful 2 b/r apt near Julian's here on Fed Hill and the living room with 10 ft ceiling and a large bay window would make a fab studio. My other option is to get a smaller studio space. I'm looking at one on Thursday night. And my great temp gig ends in 3 weeks. So I also am on the hunt for a job. Too many decisions right now.