
Yesterday was some studio time and then a trip to the Seattle Art Museum with C so he could catch the Calder exhibit before it came down. I noticed a new installation at the SAM of a tall glass structure. A waterfall of tumbling bottles.
Before leaving the studio I bumped into another artist on my floor...one whose work I admire. She asked me how the painting was going. "Harsh", I responded. She came in to look. For the first time in years, I received a really productive critique. It made me think about what I'm doing and where I'm going. And it excited me to continue to push through and become more expansive in the act of painting.
Her thoughts and questions, her attention, came at a perfect time...a moment when I've been feeling a phenomenal sense of isolation with my art.
After the last few art walks, I really question how my work fits into the Seattle art sensibility. I've been noodling with the idea that maybe I need to return to New England for my painting. I didn't graduate from Cornish or UW which both carry a different style of art. My BFA program was rigorous as well yet was a more traditional program. Traditional in a stylistic sense. At times, brutal. I still remember my thesis year where each candidate would present their work to all the professors at four different times during the year. I took to wearing my leather biker jacket as a form of armor during my presentations so I would be prepared to hear severe critiques without internally crumbling. It was possible that a student would be asked to repeat their final year or be told that they would graduate with a BA instead of a BFA. So you'd never be entirely sure what would happen.
I still cherish those memories.
I wonder if the doubts and feelings of misfit are coming from some other place and I'm attaching it to the art. Still recovering from a hit, there is much I am working through as well as questioning my place...and who I am. I do wonder if the pull to the northeast is because it's a safe place.
Anyway...regarding location, I'm not moving soon. You see, I have a sabbatical coming up in August. Between that and vacation time I'll have 12 paid weeks off. Lately, I've been planning for it...maybe taking two 4 week stints devoted entirely to art and then single weeks here and there. Creating my own little private artist residency would involve very little socializing during the week. Just dinners. Can I fully immerse myself in the art...attending open figure drawing workshops, and painting time? Quiet time to write. Think. Walk. And then get together with friends on weekends.
Ideas have been flooding my brain...directions I want to explore, different ways I want to push the paint. Training my eye in a more disciplined fashion. I've been jotting them down in preparation for the sabbatical.
One thing I've recently noticed, periods of major doubt and uncertainty, such as now, assist to entrench me more in my practice instead of running from it as I would have done years ago.
I am very much looking forward to these long stretches of time to immerse myself in the art and from there, hopefully be able to make a clearer decision about where I belong...and who I am as a painter.
Then again, maybe that is part of life's journey and it is always an ongoing, unfolding path.