I made a choice to stay in this evening and be with myself. 2013 has been probably the most difficult and scary year thus far. There have been some amazingly magic moments tucked within, but the anxiety and fear would loom large.
I've had years involving deep heartbreak, the kind I wouldn't wish on my enemies, but…this, this was different. It wasn't about heartbreak which, regardless how brutal, we get through…in some fashion, even if a part stays with us.
No, this year was about financial questions and wondering how I'd pay my bills and the low esteem that comes with rejection after rejection from sending out a multitude of resumes. Averaging 10 to 15 resumes sent each week, I received a handful of responses….to then be the "almost but not quite" girl. I didn't have a partner who could pay the bills while I looked for work. There were times when I'd have no idea how I'd pay rent. It's just me. RI has a rough job market. It affected me on a core level. It definitely affected my painting practice, which I'm struggling to regain. And yet...I knew I needed to trust myself...and all would work out, yet still made for many sleepless nights.
But now, I have a job. I've been returning, albeit slowly, to a more rigorous discipline of exercise and more importantly, to my painting. And, I wonder what 2014 will bring. I try to leave a few unopened presents for the new year. Anticipation. A little mystery. And patience.
So tonight, I am thoroughly enjoying being surrounded by my deep red curtains and twinkly holiday lights. I chose to bake my mom's Toutiere (Canadian meat pie) and enjoyed it with pickled beets and red wine, then followed by some very nice chocolate that was gifted to me.
It's a time of reflection and soothing myself after being battered around these last 12 months.
Happy and magical New Year to all of you!
The sheep ornament was purchased to remind me of the times I attempted to "baaahh" like a sheep and would fail miserably. And also the glee I'd feel when I saw sheep in fields.
The round ornament was my first ornament purchased in RI....last year. It's one of Providence's iconic buildings on the canal at the mouth of the bay. Like all my ornaments, they remind me of something. And the fish? I love the water. Like fish.