
On jumping back into the fray...
While I was away, my WA State relocation specialist had called me to tell me my moving reimbursement check was ready. Yesterday, I met him near the studio to sign for the check. And...I took this photo of our 619 Western building. They began boarding it up on Oct 1.
It's a little heart wrenching.
When I was on the bus to Springfield, I was happily drawing in a little sketchbook I've sporadically carried for a few years. Thing is, I've been faithful about working in it since the beginning of summer. It was full of new ideas in small ink drawings. In addition it held thoughts from museum and gallery visits.
On Wednesday morning I was thinking that I needed to photograph some of the work in the book because of the direction the drawings were taking. And I didn't. And...I lost the book. Last time I had it was on the bus and must have left it on the seat. I called the terminal the next day but no one had turned it in.
Yeah...it hurts a wee bit.
I know I've only been home for a couple days and the week before vacation was spent moving the studio and the time before that was preparing for the move...but I'm now beginning to feel the pressure to engage in my practice.
This has been the longest time in five years that I haven't painted in an almost daily routine and I'm feeling it.
Yesterday, I could feel the anxiety, the fear and the resistance surrounding my attempt to even think about working. For me, when I get out of the habit, it's terrifying to jump back in. Creating art rips me open even further. I can't hide from myself when I draw or paint. With all the loss this year, having this break from painting (albeit necessary due to life stuff) I am afraid to feel what may come up.
I need to set a new little workspace in my apartment and it doesn't need to be elaborate because that attempt would be procrastination.
So...last night I took a breath and made a list which offers direction in manageable bites.
1. pull out the b&w photos that I've been working on
2. grab sketchbook
3. choose one image
4. and just fucking draw.
Nothing fancy. I don't need to lay out all my tools and drawing board. I don't even need to figure out a larger space. I know that once I begin to draw and return to my ritual, the path will joyfully unfold.
But boy oh boy, that first step is a doozy.