I had a full weekend of plans and really needed to cancel which meant no play party last night and no dinner party this evening. Although I was very much looking forward to both, it was important for me to recharge through alone time and much rest. I wasn't up for lots of people. Honestly, the fewer people, the less the noise, the better.

A little later this afternoon Matt called to see if I wanted to go on a short hike. Exercise near the water sounded like a perfect tonic and so after some quick thought, I agreed. Staying local we spent a few hours hiking in Discovery Park.

It's been an emotionally big week. I needed release of sorts. Seeing I didn't get out to get beat last night, the hike was a good way to work tension out of my body. And the water...always soothes me.

Seriously bushed today. It's been a big month. There is a play party I'd like to attend this evening and right now, I'm not sure if I'll make it.

Last night's Art Walk was wonderful. One of the highlights: an artist whose work and practice I admire not only complimented the work but asked me if I had approached any galleries about this series. I smiled and said that I'm waiting because I don't yet feel ready. I want to see if these paintings are a flash in the pan or something I will continue to expand upon. It is my intent to do so...but we'll see what evolves.

Speaking of art, in reading today's Slog I found two sites that make me happy. I love drawings. Like b&w photography, it feels like the meat and bones of 2D art. There's a stripping away and an opportunity to see beyond the glitch and shininess...see what lays underneath. It's a huge turn on for me.

Back to the sites. Begun by Seattle artist and journalist, Gabi Campanario, here is urbansketchers.com. It's a blog that showcases sketches from all over, with its contributors being artists from all over the world. Campanario also has a personal blog of Seattle drawings at GabiCampanario.blogspot.com.

Both of these are exciting and inspiring.

The image I posted is a very large (about 3x4 feet) drawing I did back in 1996. I don't do anywhere near the amount of drawing I'd like to. It happens in phases. I carry a sketchbook around, and at times it would be a daily thing. But then I drop it and it's difficult to get back into the discipline. Looking at the two sketch websites reminds me how it needs to be more a part of my practice.

I promised to write about a very special show I recently saw at the Francine Seders Gallery. I caught a little blurb for the show and immediately rearranged my schedule that day to accommodate a viewing. Walking into the gallery, and laying eyes upon the work, I teared up...so very moved. It felt familiar...a simplicity along the lines of what I'm currently exploring in my own work. The show is Soundings by Lauri Chambers. It's up at the gallery until the end of November.

You can see samples of Lauri's work here.

I pulled these yesterday from a Turkish news site. Even though we suffered defeats with gay rights in California, Arkansas, Arizona and Florida...these photos reminded me of one reason why I'm still jubilant and in awe.

It will happen.




Extended family members of U.S. Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama react as election results come in, at the family's homestead in Kogelo village, Kenya, Wednesday, Nov. 5, 2008. The village is where Barack Obama's step-grandmother lives. Africans organized all-night parties to watch the U.S. election results roll in, determined to celebrate a moment in history as Barack Obama tries to become the first black American president. (AP Photo/Matt Dunham)




People carry an U.S. flag as they celebrate President-elect Senator Barack Obama's (D-IL) historic White House victory in Nairobi's Kibera slum November 5, 2008. Kenyans in Obama's ancestral homeland sang and danced with joy on Wednesday as the Illinois senator they see as one of their own became the first black U.S. president. (REUTERS/Noor Khamis)

Shot today from our deck at work. It's the flag across the street at the Planned Parenthood building.

A coworker passed along the following poem by Langston Hughes to the staff today. It truly expresses our feeling. And now, Barack Obama will be our new president. I'm sitting here with joyous tears.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Let America be America again.

Let it be the dream it used to be.
Let it be the pioneer on the plain
Seeking a home where he himself is free.

(America never was America to me.)

Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed–
Let it be that great strong land of love
Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme
That any man be crushed by one above.

(It never was America to me.)

O, let my land be a land where Liberty
Is crowned with no false patriotic wreath,
But opportunity is real, and life is free,
Equality is in the air we breathe.

(There’s never been equality for me,
Nor freedom in this “homeland of the free.”)

Say, who are you that mumbles in the dark?
And who are you that draws your veil across the stars?

I am the poor white, fooled and pushed apart,
I am the Negro bearing slavery’s scars.
I am the red man driven from the land,
I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek–
And finding only the same old stupid plan
Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak.

I am the young man, full of strength and hope,
Tangled in that ancient endless chain
Of profit, power, gain, of grab the land!
Of grab the gold! Of grab the ways of satisfying need!
Of work the men! Of take the pay!
Of owning everything for one’s own greed!

I am the farmer, bondsman to the soil.
I am the worker sold to the machine.
I am the Negro, servant to you all.
I am the people, humble, hungry, mean–
Hungry yet today despite the dream.
Beaten yet today–O, Pioneers!
I am the man who never got ahead,
The poorest worker bartered through the years.

Yet I’m the one who dreamt our basic dream
In the Old World while still a serf of kings,
Who dreamt a dream so strong, so brave, so true,
That even yet its mighty daring sings
In every brick and stone, in every furrow turned
That’s made America the land it has become.
O, I’m the man who sailed those early seas
In search of what I meant to be my home–
For I’m the one who left dark Ireland’s shore,
And Poland’s plain, and England’s grassy lea,
And torn from Black Africa’s strand I came
To build a “homeland of the free.”

The free?

Who said the free? Not me?
Surely not me? The millions on relief today?
The millions shot down when we strike?
The millions who have nothing for our pay?
For all the dreams we’ve dreamed
And all the songs we’ve sung
And all the hopes we’ve held
And all the flags we’ve hung,
The millions who have nothing for our pay–
Except the dream that’s almost dead today.

O, let America be America again–
The land that never has been yet–
And yet must be–the land where every man is free.
The land that’s mine–the poor man’s, Indian’s, Negro’s, ME–
Who made America,
Whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain,
Whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain,
Must bring back our mighty dream again.

Sure, call me any ugly name you choose–
The steel of freedom does not stain.
From those who live like leeches on the people’s lives,
We must take back our land again,
America!

O, yes,
I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath–
America will be!

Out of the rack and ruin of our gangster death,
The rape and rot of graft, and stealth, and lies,
We, the people, must redeem
The land, the mines, the plants, the rivers.
The mountains and the endless plain–
All, all the stretch of these great green states–
And make America again!

From The Collected Poems of Langston Hughes, published by Alfred A. Knopf, Inc. Copyright © 1994

Think Blue

GO VOTE!!!!



Voting stuff.

Today, Jen Graves of The Stranger contacted a group of artists and asked them how they felt about the pending election.
Here are their responses in a little web group show.


Last week I received this in my weekly NPR music email: Sounds of Victory, Sounds of Defeat. Their list, which includes videos of the songs...

The Chamber Brothers, "Time Has Come Today"
The Ramones, "I Believe In Miracles"
Al Green, "People Get Ready"
Buzzcocks, "Harmony In My Head"

What would yours be?

Mine? If Obama wins, it would be Nina Simone's "Feeling Good".

Go vote. And if you do, you can get free stuff. Details in the links.

Free coffee at Starbucks.

Free donuts from Krispy Kreme.

Free ice cream from Ben & Jerry's.

And a free vibrator from Babeland.







Also, in The Slog, Eli Sanders has requested stories from around the world, regarding voting in this election. Scroll through this tag to get them. Some are quite moving.

A quick couple of things:

There is almost nothing more satisfying than having a plate of cupcakes plopped down next to you while at that very moment you are silently wishing for a little something sweet. It was from a coworker's partner's birthday over the weekend.

It was perfect. Not too sugary and deliciously creamy.

Another tidbit - If The World Could Vote.
It's a fun, interesting and non-scientific site created by a couple guys in Iceland. Check out the results and the FAQ tab.

The new work, shot about 3 weeks ago (sorry about the poor photo quality)~



Closeups of a few of them are found here.


I've been so bone-tired the last three or four days. The combination of the heavy internal work this month and the painting have both left me mushy. This weekend it dawned on me that between October's first Thursday and this upcoming one, I've birthed a buttload of new work, including the 30 in 30 challenge.

So it was a weekend of resting, getting together with new friends at a play party in a very sexy and groovy space, seeing the current exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum, and beginning mental prep for this work week.

I've been too tired to pick up a paintbrush which makes me sad, but the rest is needed. Today, I'm headed to the framer who has been holding a large painting and will have him ship it to my buyer in CA. Also, I need to sign 3 little ones and then, once that's dry, those will ship as well.

After this week's art walk, I look forward to immersing myself even more in the new series. I have 6 blank canvases patiently waiting for me.

Life.

While doing dishes tonight, I was moved to shoot this. In an odd way, it reminded me of some art I saw today.

On a lovely fall day, blustery with mixes of sun and rain, Matt and I hit the Seattle Art Museum today to explore the S'abadeb—The Gifts: Pacific Coast Salish Art and Artists exhibit. It included old as well as contemporary work from current Salish artists.

Beautiful work. And it was a treat. You could tell that these objects were made with love. Baskets, woven items, carved objects, jewelry and more, all created with a sense of something greater in mind.

I fell in love with a little 19th century oil dish made of alder and glass beads. It had an animal, horse-like, carved on the front. Although I've tried I can't find an image of it.

While we were walking back up the hill, it dawned on me why I liked it. As I mentioned to Matt, it reminds me of my favorite piece in art history, this little ancient Greek geometric horse.




From the Salish exhibit, and thanks to an article in the Seattle PI, here is another little piece that charmed me - a miniature pestle, circa 1100 B.C. to 350 A.D. The article also has a few more examples, old and new.

I'm posting this a little earlier than usual because it's going to be a busy week.

Here are some of the new paintings. These are 18"x36".




Join me for the first Thursday Art Walk.
November 6th
619 Western Ave, Seattle
4th floor south - The Sophia Room
6-9 pm

Photo from Americablog.

The reason I linked to that entry is because it jogged something important for me.

8 years. It's been 8 long years. 8 difficult years. We know this. But what struck me is that in my personal life, it's also been 8 challenging years.

I began my leather training with a mentor 8 years ago. It was a period of stripping away and paring down. He requested many sacrifices of me. After my mentor suffered a stroke, I began to see a therapist for what I thought would be short term grief support. One thing led to another and that process turned into a very deep journey. My therapist also became my teacher...my guide. With him we continued the stripping away that was begun in training. It was natural. Beautifully organic. Painful. And very rich and textured.

Although these last 8 years have produced some of the most hurtful moments of my life, they've also assisted in propelling me to a different place.

Very new paintings are getting shown 2 days after the election. They represent a change in how I paint and what I dare show the world.

Yesterday we had a day long staff retreat and they had a show and tell at the beginning. I brought one of the new pieces. My coworkers were the perfect group to do a small reveal with.

My family, my work, my personal life, my s/m...all changing and tapping into richer spaces. I'm slowly becoming more comfortable with the lonliness of not fitting into the mainstream, even subcultures that are mainstreaming with commercialism, media, workshops and conferences.

The odd thing is, I knew I already sought deeper than many. I've been fighting that for quite a while. After spending my whole life being told "I love you but....I can't hang out with you because you see too much...are too intense...go too deep..." I worked hard to figure out how to live with myself. It's the reason my parents couldn't coddle their firstborn and it's replayed itself over and over for 48 years.

With that, what began from the earliest rejection and abandonment was the idea that I was bad. It was my fault. How else can a child explain a parent's distance? I never knew until after many years of therapy, how ingrained that belief was - I am bad. On one level, mentally, I knew I wasn't. But it was a root belief. Fortified after each abandonment and slowly covered up by years of living. It was affecting everything I touch.

Yet now, with much rigorous work and diligence, in the stripping away and hitting that core, I'm slowly beginning to accept myself knowing, I'm not bad and at the same time it will be a lonelier, quieter path.

Who I am, and what I seek is not frequently found. Yet I am discovering that although it's rare, there are a few other explorers who look for similar...and in various ways we connect. Our common values of seeking integration, honesty, compassion and choosing to step into the fire bring us together.

I'm seeing a beautiful completion in my leather training, knowing that what I am now touching is what my Mentor had hoped I'd access.

It's Halloween, the Day of the Dead, Samhain. This year I've been moved to really note this time...the time when the veil between life and death is thinnest. Rituals more rooted in carrying an ongoing meditation of the meaning of life/death. Change. Transformation. Rebirth.

Although I find it striking, it's no coincidence that this time of personal growth and healing is synchronized with what's happening throughout our country...and the world. We are all connected, aren't we?


Yes we can.

I've been really busy with the paintings and with some big internal changes. That's why the slowdown and gaps in blogging and photo-taking.

When I have extra energy, I want to share a few things including the amazing gallery show I saw a couple weeks ago. It was only the second time that work brought me to immediate tears in such a profound way.

Soon.

I voted today.

In the meanwhile, here is something to make you smile…

Take me to your reader…cuz I'm in search of a leader…

I'm almost done with the 30 in 30.

This morning I was at the studio by 9 am and wasn't going to leave until every board was not only begun, but covered and at least headed in a decent direction if not fully finished. There were 7 left when I walked in. And now...mission complete.

10 need further work and it shouldn't be a problem to resolve them this weekend....and wrap it all up. It means I'm ahead of my personal deadline which gives me extra breathing room. This coming week is going to be intense at work and I need to focus on that.

Home for a few hours before I treat my computer guy to Table 219 for dinner and then a movie. The Seattle queer film fest is going on and I received a couple passes from work. So B and I are screening Pansy Division: Life In A Gay Rock Band.

This past Monday, Matt and I took in The Polymath, Or The Life And Opinions Of Samuel R. Delany, Gentleman. It is a wonderful documentary and visually stunning. We both enjoyed it.

The first time I had heard of Delaney was back in July 2003. He was in town and I had been invited to his book reading/talk. I wrote about it here and fell in love with him at that time. Monday's film just filled in a few more blanks and oddly, I wasn't surprised. What I heard, is what I had sensed about him 5 years ago. He's a powerful presence.


My laptop is purring. The dead harddrive was a 60 gb, and now I have a 250 gb. A few months back I increased the memory, and a while ago purchased a new battery. It's quiet, happy and much faster. And cleaner. While B had it apart, he cleaned all the parts. The whites are whiter and the keyboard, immaculate. In addition, he gifted me with the latest versions, including iLife and Photoshop CS3 Extended. So tonight is B time. He is a good friend.

At 219, although the sauteed gnocchi, duck, arugula in a cranberry-balsamic glaze is to die for and it's been on my mind, tonight I've a hankering for something a little simpler and lighter. The mushroom dill tart and some roasted tomato soup. It's a good night for it. And, a hearty glass of red.

And, oh yeah. The photo?

Dungeon shadows...

One of yesterday's treats~

All 11 desks in my office received a small vase with 3 daisies. A little while later, we each received this email from my boss:

I woke up this morning and thought "it's crazy,
You're all working so hard, I'll get you a daisy"

But one isn't enough for all that you do
It must be several for the hours you accrue

they must be as graceful and warm as you
And of course, as persistent and a bit quirky, too.

Can a daisy hold up to your humor, creativity and smarts
To your generosity and really big hearts?

I hope your daisies bring you a smile today
That they make you feel all happy and gay.

~~~~~

My boss's gift inspired me to take the photo and return a thank you.

And yes, I know I'm extremely fortunate to work where I do.

Check out the video: Republicans Voting For Obama: In Their Own Words

A powerful little video...and with powerful words from Huffington Post:

"I fully expected the results to be compelling and convincing. And they are. What I didn't expect was the emotional wallop these unscripted interviews deliver. A combination of deep disillusionment with the last eight years, disappointment in John McCain's candidacy, and an undeniable draw to Obama brought these people to a political decision that was deeply personal and courageous. It became clear to me that these were more than interviews. These were confessions.

This is what democracy is supposed to be. These people actually listened, considered and were open to the possibility of change. They didn't support a candidate. They actually chose one. And while I'm happy this year they are voting for "my team," they also inspired me to be more open in my own political life.

I thought we were making an ad campaign about Obama. But I think we ended up making an ad campaign about the essential ingredient that makes democracy work: an open mind. We don't belong to our political parties. Our political parties belong to us."

Today was a day where I longed for a lap to lay my head and cry. And in that feeling and wanting...I worked.

I'm personally committed to working 5 new paintings each day. Continuing this, by Friday I'll have all 30 canvas boards in various stages of completion. I'm on target. From there, I'll have 7 days to finish them and then 6 days of drying time. Fairly doable.

Beginning each painting carries anxiety. I'm focused on the same jars and so wonder how much I can change and create uniqueness. It is a stunning challenge. In speaking with my buddhist shrink about this process, all he did was smile and nod his approval. Here are a few more begun today.

Some of the 30 n 30 paintings that I began today. Looking at this now, I see that they've changed again since I shot the photo. It was one of the working sessions where I thought I was done for the day, and after about 10 minutes realized there was more energy to continue.

I thought I'd be working the new series along with these, and I was. Until yesterday. These need to be completed in another week and a half and so I'm focusing strictly on these right now. For November's Art Walk, I don't want wet 30n30's hanging around because I'm going to show the new paintings and they need to be alone on the wall, without other distractions. Therefore I've upped my deadline - 30 paintings in about 20 days. This leaves little room for other creative endeavors.

There are 14 of them in various stages of completion. They've changed quite a bit from the first few I showed you a while ago. I'm painting the same jars...over and over. It seems to be a necessary exercise at this time.

Today I've learned a painting trick: pop a vitamin B12 with a glass of milk before heading to the studio. It keeps away the afternoon tiredness and allows me to work at a more invigorated pace.